Personal Space

This is the part of the show where Ruth comes out and silly song.

I WISH!!!!

I’ve noticed recently, maybe because it’s too hot to wear very much clothing, that a lot of people took their Spring get-into-shape-time very seriously. People all over the place (not just Facebook…) are shouting the praises of how they lost 5, 10, 20, and even one amazing lady I know, 30 pounds!! I however, did not. I tried! I started running, BUT I stopped because I had to do it at 5:30am. Whaaa. I went mostly gluten-free for almost a month and a half, BUT I couldn’t keep up with it because it cost too much and the family wasn’t doing it with me. Whaaa. Do you hear the whiny tone? I sure do.

I recently went to the doctor to see how I was doing on the inside (I’ll spare you the details…) and to see whether it’s safe to have more children. I realize he didn’t have a very good bedside manner, but in a matter-of-fact way he told me I was overweight. He briefly gave me some ideas how to make it better, and I choked back tears. I thought I was doing okay…

I think it all came to a head the other day at church, when a strange lady I had never met before, leaned over to my children while they got their weekly snack, and said, “Don’t eat too many cookies kids! You don’t want to end up like your mom… You don’t want to be fat…”

Dramatic pause while you take that in…

Needless to say, I didn’t take that advice very well, and spent a good part of the first service crying in the arms of my loving friend, Suzie C. Thinking back, I don’t think the lady’s horribly hurtful words were even said in a right frame of mind.

However, they were true to some extent. I think that’s what hurt the most.

“I’m beautiful. I am loved. God made me to be a perfect creation. I know that some day we won’t have to think about what we look like because we’ll be looking at HIM. I’m thankful for who I am.”

I often forget those statements because there’s too many other things to think about. Is the toilet seat down so Elliott will stay out of it? Did Josette eat all her broccoli, or do I need to go see if she dumped it in the garbage? Did Mikayla drink any water after playing out in the heat? Should I make pasta for dinner, or will Ray want something else? Ugh.

Ray is always telling me that I don’t take very good care of myself. It’s true. I don’t. I have a problem with my self-esteem. THERE. I SAID IT. I take vitamins for a few days, then I forget. I don’t make appointments for myself to see any doctors (unless I’m deathly ill) because it’s a waste of money. I don’t even shower every day most weeks because there’s no good time for me to be away from the kids in the morning unless I put on a movie for them to watch. Most of the time, I don’t consciously think about how much I neglect myself. It just kind of… happens.

Today we went to reunion of sorts with some dear friends we haven’t seen in ages. I told Ray last night that I was scared. I almost didn’t want to go. What if I was the “fat girl” in the room? What if they notice how insecure I am with how I look? (I’m crying as I write that!) This morning, I woke up with a new perspective. Who cares what I look like? Ray’s the only person I want to impress, and I’ve already caught him! Of course, I wavered a bit, especially when looking for the right outfit to wear, but…

I’m going to try to be better. But I need help. That’s why I’m going to post these pictures. They’re horrible. I cringe when I look at them. But they need to be there. They’re just BEFORE pictures. That’s all.

Right?

Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to no longer measure my worth in pounds and ounces.

As many of you know already, Ray and I have decided to keep Mikayla at home for school this year. We have been using a popular curriculum from the Alpha Omega Publishing Co., LIFEPAC. It’s a great curriculum with five subjects: Math, Language Arts, History/Geography (integrated at this age), Science, and Bible. We also supplement with other books, like “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons”, and materials picked up at Target, and garage sales. I feel like I should clear up what many people may wonder about when they hear we’ve chosen homeschooling. Perhaps we’re doing this for “religious reasons”? Actually, while that’s part of the reason, it’s not the only one.

I feel the best way to explain our decision to keep Mikayla home is to say that she was just not reaching her full potential in public school. She’s really bright, as anyone that’s had a conversation with her can attest. Unfortunately, she can easily get distracted, making her seat-work suffer. It made her “grades” fall behind the standards of the district. (If that can even be measured in kindergarten.) She had to attend summer school last year because of it!!

It hurt me to see her struggle academically, and I know a lot of it is her “social butterfly” personality. She just wants to have friends, like any other little girl. I would say the classroom structure WAS good for her. It was good for her to have set rules, and to know what was going to happen next. But when it came down to what the school felt like she should know, and what she was actually retaining… they’re just weren’t able to cater to her learning style.

Also, there’s the issue of too much “socialization”. Bullying, lying, cheating; the list goes on and on. I’m not saying these things can’t happen at home, but when children are forced to ‘learn’ in a situation where they have too many other influences… it can be a recipe for disaster.

Socialization is the number one reason people claim that homeschooling is bad for children. I know I heard it a lot when I was educated at home! “What can you possibly do ALL DAY with your mom??” Well, I was done with school by noon, and then PLAYED the rest of the day. A big part of my day was doing what I feel like a lot of kids miss out on. I have so many friends that felt like they only had time for homework, dinner, and bedtime routine before they started all over again the next day. We’ve been heavily involved with a local homeschool co-op, and Mikayla gets to see regular friends on a weekly basis. Plus, I’ve tried to be diligent about setting up playdates. Oh, and of course there are her church friends that she sees at least twice, sometimes three times a week. I don’t think she’s lacking in social time. She naturally gravitates to other people, even at the store, or at our local coffee shops.

The more that I see Mikayla at home, the more I like it. She’s been interacting with her sister on more friendly terms, she is able to help with her little brother, but most of all, I can help her through her schoolwork AT HER PACE. Sure, she gets distracted, and frustrated with silly things, and we sometimes even have to deal with major fights, but I can tell this is right for our family. Of course, I feel a little selfish for wanting her to be here and “under my control”. There are always going to be doubts. (“Am I screwing her up for life!?!?!?!”) The cool thing is that I see her become a loving sister, daughter, and friend to those around her.

Mikayla will be seven years old in July,which frankly, blows my mind. As she grows and matures as a student, I see her becoming gifted in art, math, and science. She’s constantly asking questions and wanting to understand the world around her. It’s challenging for me to see her struggling with reading, but also really exciting to see her learn to love these things.

If anything, I would ask that you would pray that we can continue to teach her in the ways of Christ, and help her develop her love of learning in a healthy, positive way.

Wow. I’ve been gone for AGES. But enough about that. No apologies. I’ve been on Facebook almost exclusively for these last few months. Did you miss me?

I <3 Craigslist right now. For one thing, Ray has been able to use it to get all kinds of backyard goodies… he’s gotten free fruit trees, free compost, and even free rock and bricks. For me, though, the exciting thing is being able to sell some of the stuff that we’ve kept forever that we don’t use or just downright hate! I’ve sold a toy organizer and a vacuum just in the last month. Currently we have this beut’ up for grabs:It’s an Ikea RIGG Hat & Coat Stand ($10). I love being able to declutter, don’t you? What’s your favorite way to get rid of stuff? I’ve taken a ton of boxes to Goodwill throughout this last year, and it’s very freeing to not have so many things weighing our home down.

Elliott Ray Welsh, born March 26, 2010; 7lbs, 12 oz

Why yes. We bought a house. It’s pretty darn cute too. Come on over when you get a chance!!

This wasn’t going to happen. I was going to blog EVERY day. Yeah, right. Well, that said, here I am… two months later.

In case you were hiding under a rock, you probably know that yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It was also the Chinese New Year (Year of the Tiger!)… and my first baby shower for little Elliott. Our two families got together for a party at the monthly Family Dinner in Longview. Even the guys played a few games, we ate tremendously delicious food, and I opened some super-cute presents. Best of all, I was able to spend this whole weekend with the love of my life, Ray. He is and forever will be my sweetheart. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, Mr. Man!!

I love the composition of photos taken by the girls! They’re so edgy and real. I don’t do as well when I try to copy their happy “accidents”… (Taken by Mikayla & Josette, KidTough Camera, February 7 & 8, 2010)

Believe it or not, this photo of Mikayla was taken by Josette yesterday afternoon… you know, by the little 2 1/2 year old. Granted there were a ton of the pictures that were either of the ground, or too swirly, or completely unrecognizable, but this one is awesome! We finally put new batteries in Mikayla’s KidTough camera, so I’ve got quite a few (like 300) photos from the last two days to go through and edit. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post a few more like this!!